Sometimes it seems like children would subsist entirely off sugar if they could.
That’s how many parents feel, anyway. From endless requests for cookies to refusals to share ice cream, there’s no shortage of opportunities for kids to express their love for all things dessert ― and no shortage of opportunities for parents to tweet about it.
We’ve rounded up 35 funny and relatable tweets about kids’ love of sweets.
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?
Me: Finish your dinner first
6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021
I like that when I ask my daughter for a bite of her dessert she responds by hissing like a snake.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 15, 2020
6-year-old: How many cookies can I have?
6: Cookies like to be in pairs.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2021
Changed the word “muffin” to “cupcake” and now the thing on my 3 year old’s plate is edible.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) October 21, 2014
Parenting is telling your kid they can’t have a cookie before bed knowing full well you’ll have an entire sleeve of cookies after they go to bed.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 13, 2021
My 5 year old sings “Happy Birthday” everytime she washes her hands and my 2 year old cries that there’s no cake.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) March 15, 2020
me: please don’t give them any C-O-O-K-I-E-S today
mother in law: cookies?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 9, 2019
My kids continue to fight over the last piece of this dessert, or as I call it, Devil’s Feud Cake.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 21, 2021
5-year-old: I know where cookies are.
5: The store. Go buy them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 23, 2017
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
Wife: you have to eat more dinner first
Daughter: but that means less room for cookies
Me: *puts down fork* that’s an excellent point
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 18, 2019
“We don’t eat cookies for breakfast!” – Things I yell before handing each kid a donut with chocolate milk for breakfast
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 26, 2021
Did I serve my children unfrosted chocolate cupcakes for breakfast, rebranded as “chocolate muffins”?
I’m available for all your marketing needs.
— Becky The Most Annoying Mom (@beckyhas4kids) May 30, 2019
My 3yr old has been crying for 2 hours because she ate all of her dinner but didn’t get ice cream…We’re all out of ice cream.
She won’t shut up…
It’s 9:25pm and I’m driving to pick up ice cream…
For those of you out there thinking about having unprotected sex tonight…
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) June 16, 2018
4: mommy does this have sugar in it?
Me:….the brownie batter?! Yes. It has sugar in it.
4, whispering: I love sugar
— There is no Marissa, Only Zuul💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) July 19, 2020
I wish my kids would make their crimes more challenging to solve. But how do you know I ate the brownies!? Because you’re still eating them, and the evidence is all over your face, and the rest of the brownies are under your bed.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 3, 2020
Child: I’m full.
Child: Can I have dessert?
Me: What? You said you were full.
Child: Yeah, full of THIS.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 2, 2019
7-year-old: I need more friends.
7: More birthday parties. More cake.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2021
I didn’t get mad at my son for sneaking candy into his room & eating the entire bag until he threw up because I do the same thing with wine.
— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) December 6, 2014
Inventor of candy: I’m a GENIUS
Inventor of candy, after having kids:
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 8, 2021
Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. You’ll thank me for this later, I promise
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) July 27, 2021
[putting away groceries]
Me: Do you know where the cookies go?
4-year-old: In my face.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 12, 2017
I take inspiration from my kids’ ability to overcome adversity. Moments ago they were “too full” to eat their green beans, but their grandmother just brought out cookies and somehow they’re finding the strength to eat them.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 2, 2021
My 4yo talked me into buying a bag of cookies at the store then kept holding it up to other customers like it was a belt he’d won in some sort of prizefight and now that I think about it that’s exactly what it is
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 2, 2020
Kid tried to sneak candy but it was a wax candle lol
— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) November 21, 2020
i pay for netflix, hulu, and disney plus and all these damn kids want to watch is cupcake decorating videos on youtube
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 28, 2021
Guys, I just ate a whole cupcake literally ten feet away from my toddler and he never noticed.
I think I’m officially Batman now.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 17, 2018
Kids: *eating a pop tart* What’s for dessert?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 30, 2018
Me: Did you miss me while you were at Grandma’s house?
6-year-old: She let us make cookies.
Me: I missed you.
6: We ate them for breakfast.
So that’s a no.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2018
Me: *wraps gifts, makes breakfast, puts toys together, plays for hours, makes dinner, and makes dessert.*
My kid: Mommy since you only made one dessert can you make macarons?
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 26, 2020
SON: [opens Ring Pop]
ME: dude. It’s 9 am. No candy for breakfast
SON: i already ate breakfast tho
ME: carry on
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) July 10, 2017
My son: I’m still hungry!
Me: You can have some cheese.
Him: I think you meant to say candy.
Me: Well played, son, well played.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) November 19, 2016
Husband: *gives her chocolate*
Me: How did you know?
Me: What the fuck I am so done with today I feel like shit I hate the kids…
Husband: *gives me chocolate*
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 28, 2020